Heine's Ramblings and Rumblings

From the Cruiser Forum by Hennie Kotze


To Rove, or not to Rove!There was a man from the darkest Continent,
who wished to explore it from end to end!
Before long he put deeds to his thought
and went to town where he diligently sought
for a means to rove the yonder land!

And thus the marketplace he carefully scoured,
mindful of the pitfall that he could be devoured
by a horse trader of such dubious disposition
that even his most vigilant premonition
would serve him to no end!

His search for a wagon or vehicle of sort,
that would ferry him overland without abort
became a tiring quest that eventually
lead him, to speak figuratively and literally,
on the path to his first discovery!

For as he patiently roamed the town
a billboard suddenly stared him down!
“Land Rover” it glowed so brilliantly bright
that in his mind it triggered a light!!
“Of course, just what I need to rove the land!”

Thus in he went and bought a Landy
with which he felt extremely dandy!
And as proudly he ‘roved’ down the road
he felt just like the old fairytale Toad
about to be kissed by the Princess!

In his Discovery he set out to acquire
everything that his exploration would require!
From tents and blankets, pots and pans,
to a rack for the roof and some jerrycans!
“Dr Livingstone I presume!”

And finally he and his Randy Lover,
was ready to take to the wild to discover!
Poor fellow, little did he know
that now his bitterest woe
was about to commence!

At first the Rover went like a charm
and in driving fast he saw no harm!
Across the road he went at speed,
proud on the trot like a noble steed!
Until he reached the outskirts of town!

Its a long story that from here onwards ensued
in which frustration overrun the poor dude!
From daybreak to the middle of the night,
everything went wrong and nothing right!
Reliability, oh Reliability! Where art thou?

However, in all fairness it is a fact
that the LR crowd improved their act!
And before the crack of the following day,
a replacement Disco was on its way!
And finally he could leave the outskirts of town!

Low and behold, the LR replacement
smacked of a good improvement!
On he charged, off the road into the rough,
the Landy was made to go this tough!
Let the fun and games begin!

And so the replacement Disco took him far,
away from the town and far from the tar!
Way into the world of all wheel drive,
where only the Overland Manne thrive!
Here the best have to prove their mettle!

Far off the tar another chapter was written,
because our LR man was overly smitten
with his machine’s ability to tackle the wild,
which soon he would learn is rather mild.
He was still to meet Mr Experience!

Like a vicious lion the Disco roared,
and up and over the dune it soared!
With hill descent, traction and terrain control
the Landy was unstoppable on a roll!
Oblivious to the beginning of the end!

Invariably grey matter will always gain
the upper hand over the virtual domain!
Thus the ‘digital driver’ is doomed to fail
where flesh, blood and experience prevail!
Enter the 21st Century Land Rover!

The rest is now history of the past
for the Landy fell quite quickly and fast!
Burried up to its belly in grime and grit,
the Disco dumped its driver in the (censored)!
The digital driver out of its depth!

The day went on and the shadows long,
our Landyman now not quite so strong.
The dark of nightfall was not the fear,
but how to get the Disco out in the clear!
This is not a situation you wish for foe or friend!

But then the Discoman froze into a poise!
Was that just imagination, or really a noise?
Yes, the noise grew unmistakably clear,
someone else was drawing near!
One very relieved Discoman!

With the deep baritone drone of six in a row,
the four and a half EFI (SFA) glided to a slow!
A calloused hand reached out in comprehension
with a gesture of typical ‘Overland’ compassion!
The Discoman thanking his lucky star!

The thirty three muddies mauled the earth,
as the Disco slowly lifted from its berth!
The six-man squad showed little strain,
in helping the Disco onto level plane.
Then it was time to dig into the Luna!

With darkness now calling the shot,
it looked like a decent camping spot!
Unceremoniously a howling moon and eazi awn
were summoned to duty till the crack of dawn!
The Luna’s lid worked overtime without complaining!

Later, as the Kameeldoring flames licked the sky,
the Discoman gathered the courage to ask: Why?
What makes the difference more or less,
of Yota’s unquestionable superior success?
The Yotaman sipped his fizz and smiled.

Is it the men, Old Emu or Ironman, he wanted to know,
that always help Yota to steal the show?
Or is it quite simply plain
the size of your muddies or all terrain?
The Yotaman sipped his fizz and cleared his throat!

With wisdom gleaned from many a day
the Yotaman prepared the final say!
Leaning over to the Landyman’s closest ear,
“Elementary my dear Discoman”, he said for only him to hear:
“The ultimate secret is not to Rove,…….but to Cruise!”

2 thoughts on “From the Cruiser Forum by Hennie Kotze

  1. I really enjoyed this poem! I was wondering it it would be okay with you of I read it on a future episode of the podcast? Cheers

  2. Hi Dan – like your site .

    As per the heading , it is something I saw on the Land Cruiser Forum http://www.landcruiserclub.co.za/cms/index.php , but I’m sure it would be ok to use it

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s